In 2012, my husband(my long term boyfriend at the time) and I decided that we were ready to start a family. We had some hurtles ahead. I have several heart conditions and a cardiac pacemaker, so we wanted to check with all my doctors before moving forward with our journey.
Our first step in this process was to speak to my OBGYN. We spoke about having my Mierna birth control removed, the risk of pregnancy, any possible issues with my heart, etc. He recommended that I speak with my cardiologist before moving forward, but didn’t see any reason that we wouldn’t be able to being trying.
Our second step was to meet with a cardiologist. We also just moved back to the area, so I was meeting with a new cardiologist. Our first appointment was great, he also saw no reason for us to not begin trying. So we went ahead and scheduled to have my Mirena removed as soon as possible.
After my Mierna was removed I had a follow up with the cardiologist. He recommended that I have an Echocardiogram done just to be on the safe side, but he expected everything to come back clear as it had in the past. We scheduled the echo for as soon as possible. He never told us to wait, or not continue trying.
The day of my echocardiogram was just like any other day. I went in, the test was done, and nothing was said to me. The following day I received a call from my OBGYN’s office. They said that my doctor had some concerns and needed to follow up with me, but that it wasn’t urgent. So my appointment was made for the end of the month. I never received a call from the cardiologist, so I never even thought about there being an issue with my heart.
The day of my follow up with the OBGYN came, almost a whole month after their phone call. We had been trying to get pregnant for 2 weeks and never expected the news that was coming. Luckily my husband had taken time off that morning to attend the appointment with me. It wasn’t like any other appointment I have ever had. We were brought into a small room, and waited. From there the nurse came to get us and we met with the doctor in his private office. It was here that everything changed. The worse news of my life was coming out of his mouth and I had no idea what was happening.
My OBGYN told me that the cardiologist had some concerns and sent him a letter stating that I shouldn’t get pregnant. The cardiologist diagnosed with with Pulmonary Hypertension, a heart disease that is fatal in pregnant women. I had no idea what he was talking about, my cardiologist NEVER called me after my echo. He NEVER told me that I had this condition that would be fatal if I got pregnant. I was hearing it for the first time from a gynecologist! We were advised by the OBGYN to stop immediately from trying to get pregnant. That getting pregnant would have severe consequences. Little did we all know that as I sat in that room, on that Tuesday morning that I was already pregnant.
Three days later I was at work and I just knew. This sense came over my body and I knew I was pregnant. I got home that Friday evening at 6pm and we took a test. It was positive, I was pregnant. I lost it, I couldn’t stop crying, my soul was crushed. I called my mom hysterical, and there was nothing we could do. We had to wait until Monday morning to call the doctor and let them know. Monday came and I called first thing in the morning. They immediately scheduled a neonatal specialist to come from 3 hours away to meet with us at the hospital on Tuesday to let us know our options.
Our options was severely limited. There was no way to go through our pregnancy with both my self and the baby surviving. We immediately scheduled to have a second opinion with another cardiologist. They got us in on Friday just 3 days later. They preformed another echocardiogram, which showed that everything was ok. The first doctor misdiagnosed me, and I was completely fine! What a relief, or so I thought.
A few weeks went by and we were FINALLY settling in to being pregnant! We were having a baby! A baby that I prayed for endless hours that I would get to keep. We finally announced to our friends and family that we were pregnant! We put that little ultrasound on Facebook for all to see. But….. days later it would all change.
Sunday March 3rd, I woke up and it was still dark outside. My husband was already at work. I felt a sensation and went to the bathroom. I didn’t turn the light on, but I knew the moment I pulled my pants down something was wrong. I got up and turned on the light and I saw it. I was bleeding. Hysterical I called my husband, screaming that I needed to go to the hospital. He rushed home, luckily work was only right down the street. I called my mom while I waited, she didn’t answer so I tried my dad. He answered and all I could do was hysterically cry and yell at him that my baby was gone. He woke my mom and she was able to calm me until my husband got home.
We went to the ER, praying the whole way that they would tell me I was wrong. They would tell me my baby was fine and the bleeding was going to stop. But that never came. They told us that the baby didn’t have a heart beat and was gone. We left numb, not knowing what to do. I couldn’t breath, my world was crashing down.
A few days later I sat in the waiting room at the hospital. The doctors getting ready to preform a D&C. The nurse came into the waiting room and called my name, numbly I stood taking two steps forward. My feet became glued to the floor and I couldn’t do anything more then stand there holding my stomach and crying. The amount of grief and loss I felt leaving that hospital was so great. I didn’t know how I was going to function.
I will also wonder about that little baby, who they would have been, if it was a boy or a girl, would they look like me or my husband? I wish more then anything I would have gotten to see my babies face at least once, to hold my baby just once. After months of anger and depression there was a little light at the end of the tunnel. That light was Chief. Our rainbow baby.
I am 1 in 4.